It took a lot of thought for me to decide to send him to Kindy. I thought I would have my children at home with me until they went to school. It was my goal, my ideal, and what I thought would be best for my children. I still think it's a good goal and ideal, but not neccessarily what's best for my children.
Around about two and a half till when Theo turned three he trasitioned to a new phase. He calmed down a little bit and became more of a thinker. He liked to play games instead of just play. He liked to have things to do rather than to just be. He liked to help rather than just watch. He still liked to run and yell and be active, but his favourite person to do this with was no longer me, it was other children (his cousin mostly).
After plenty of rain which kept us indoors 5 out of 7 days a week for a month, and a migraine that had me bedridden for a day and two nights and unwell for most of a week, Theo was in need of a bit of stimulation. In general this was the case, but things had boiled up until it became so obvious, he just wasn't getting enough stimulation inside our four walls.
Now I've had a good bout of mother guilt. I thought I was giving up my ideals. I thought if I was a good mother I would be able to meet his needs, ALL of his needs, all by myself, here at home. What did women who lived at the beginning of last century and throughout the one before do? I could do it too.
But then I discovered I couldn't. He needed more. I could provide it to him, if I took him without these walls to do it. There is a Kindy near us. We can walk there together. So Kindy it was.
After staying with him today for his first day, the mother guilt is almost if not already gone. I saw that he was playing nicely, following his interests, and will gradually make friends. I saw that there is so much more to do there than I could ever provide. I saw that what he will do there is what I try to get him to do at home a lot of the time (engage in an activity by himself) while I do something else (dinner, dishes, washing and all of that). I saw that he doesn't need me there to do it, and that it could even be good for him, will be good for him, to learn to relate to other adults as well as children besides me and Sadie.
Friday is day two of Kindy. I'll step back from playing with Theo and leave him for a bit.
Wednesday next week I plan to drop him off.
It's all come about pretty quickly. We first called and visited a week ago today, and ended up jumping the waiting list to be accepted on to the rolls that day. I met 3 other Kindy parents at the park on Friday, visited and enrolled on Monday, and then we started today. Two weeks from our first call and he should be attending without me, a Kindergartener.
And after today I'm finally happy about it.
Or maybe that's the mother guilt kicking in again. With it's very own anti-guilt, justification.
I'm not quite sure.